Kirby is a dick

[Elija2]

I mean, just look at this fucking asshole.



Poor Waddle Dee, all he wanted was a walk in the park with his friend, but instead he gets the shit beat out of him by Kirby.



Here comes Waddle Doo trying to avenge his brother, and what does he get? The same fucking treatment. Does Kirby have no decency?



Whispy Woods always gets treated unfairly by Kirby, but this time he's politely asking Kirby to leave him alone. What a nice guy, but it's no good because Kirby wants some apple pie and nothing will stand in his way. So what does Kirby do? He cuts the fucking tree down! Talk about overkill!



And now here's Kirby acting smug as fuck to Broom Hatter, laying on a hardcore burn. But he can't just leave it at that so of course he has to pound the guy's face in too, reducing him to tears. Kirby has no remorse.

Who the hell could ever like this crazy lunatic? Behind his cute exterior is a black hole where everything he sucks up is converted into pure negativity. Fuck Kirby.

[Hakudamashi]

Dude, he's a baby, chill out.

[Elija2]

Dude, he's a baby, chill out.

His age is a mystery. For all we know he could be 1,000 years old!

[Ioshyriku]

Even babies need to be punished.

[Hakudamashi]

His age is a mystery. For all we know he could be 1,000 years old!

Regardless of his age in human years, as far as his race is concerned, he's a baby, he can't even talk properly
And it's not like anyone taught him things like empathy or selflessness.

[Elija2]

Regardless of his age in human years, as far as his race is concerned, he's a baby, he can't even talk properly
And it's not like anyone taught him things like empathy or selflessness.

Looks like he can talk pretty clearly to me. His usual childlike demeanour is just a farce!

[Hakudamashi]

Except this isn't Kirby, this is his identical twin older brother, Blirby.

[Elija2]

Except this isn't Kirby, this is his identical twin older brother, Blirby.

Now you're just making stuff up in an attempt to defend a douchebag.

[jkid101094]

Except that the rules of Avalanche state that he needs to beat them in order to advance so morality wasn't an issue here. Besides, even if it wasn't the case this game is a modified port of Super Puyo Puyo like what happened with Panel De Pon! becoming Tetris Attack outside of Japan.  Meaning it has no place in the series' cannon or bearing on the personality of the characters.

In the main games Kirby is just an infant doing what he feels is right which is why he (like many children) is so distracted by sweets and heart broken when he loses them. It's like giving your two-year old brother a flame thrower and telling him to "kill all the bad guys".

[Elija2]

Except that the rules of Avalanche state that he needs to beat them in order to advance so morality wasn't an issue here. Besides, even if it wasn't the case this game is a modified port of Super Puyo Puyo like what happened with Panel De Pon! becoming Tetris Attack outside of Japan.  Meaning it has no place in the series' cannon or bearing on the personality of the characters.

In the main games Kirby is just an infant doing what he feels is right which is why he (like many children) is so distracted by sweets and heart broken when he loses them. It's like giving your two-year old brother a flame thrower and telling him to "kill all the bad guys".

Do the rules also state that he needs to beat them to a pulp? Hurl insults at them, step on their roots, and cut them down?

And I don't see how Kirby's Avalanche being a Puyo Puyo port means it's not a part of the Kirby canon. That's like saying Super Mario Bros. 2 isn't part of the Mario canon because it was a port of Doki Doki Panic. Besides, the Kirby canon is loose enough as it is. The games rarely have a direct connection with one another, so who's to say what's canon and what isn't?

[jkid101094]

Do the rules also state that he needs to beat them to a pulp? Hurl insults at them, step on their roots, and cut them down?

Try actually watching the intros instead of posting images. Kirby states during the first fight that the rules require him to defeat his enemies. If you knew anything about Puyo Puyo you'd know that the actual Puyos are just a metaphor for a fight between magic users. The same likely applies here with the rules stating that the opponents need to fight to the finish with the puyos being a way to illustrate the struggle in a puzzle game format.

And I don't see how Kirby's Avalanche being a Puyo Puyo port means it's not a part of the Kirby canon. That's like saying Super Mario Bros. 2 isn't part of the Mario canon because it was a port of Doki Doki Panic.

It's not. That's why it was retconned via being a dream.

Besides, the Kirby canon is loose enough as it is. The games rarely have a direct connection with one another, so who's to say what's canon and what isn't?

The Kirby cannon is more tightly knit than you'd think. Besides, Kirby never demonstrates this behavior in any other games so I think it's safe to assume it's the odd one out.

[Elija2]

Try actually watching the intros instead of posting images. Kirby states during the first fight that the rules require him to defeat his enemies. If you knew anything about Puyo Puyo you'd know that the actual Puyos are just a metaphor for a fight between magic users. The same likely applies here with the rules stating that the opponents need to fight to the finish with the puyos being a way to illustrate the struggle in a puzzle game format.

If the Puyos were just a metaphor and not actually part of the battle, then why would he refer to their battles as games of Avalanche? They don't even refer to them as battles, they refer to them as games! So clearly the rules only require Kirby to beat his opponents in a puzzle game, not to beat them literally!

It's not. That's why it was retconned via being a dream.

The game being a dream doesn't change the fact that it's part of the Mario canon.

The Kirby cannon is more tightly knit than you'd think. Besides, Kirby never demonstrates this behavior in any other games so I think it's safe to assume it's the odd one out.

Dunno what you're talking about. He beats up poor old Whispy Woods in almost every game!

[jkid101094]

If the Puyos were just a metaphor and not actually part of the battle, then why would he refer to their battles as games of Avalanche? They don't even refer to them as battles, they refer to them as games! So clearly the rules only require Kirby to beat his opponents in a puzzle game, not to beat them literally!

The game being a dream doesn't change the fact that it's part of the Mario canon.

It also isn't a spin-off game. The plot of Super Mario Bros. 2 amounts to, "Mario woke up. The End". Because it was a port of a different title the devs made sure to retcon it's events, making the only thing about it that's "cannon" being the fact that Mario woke up.

Kirby's Avalanche is both a spin-off and a reskinned port. To say it's canon to the Kirby Cannon is like saying Pokemon Puzzle League is canon to the Pokemon anime or that Tetris Attack and Yoshi's Cookie are canon to the Mario Cannon.

Dunno what you're talking about. He beats up poor old Whispy Woods in almost every game!

And Wispy never starts the fights? In every game Wispy is the instigator and Kirby defends himself. Remember the scene in Kirby Super Star where Kirby defeats Dyna Blade then helps her chicks hatch and teaches them how to fly? Hell, he doesn't even kill Dyna and she joins the crew soon after.

[Elija2]

It also isn't a spin-off game. The plot of Super Mario Bros. 2 amounts to, "Mario woke up. The End". Because it was a port of a different title the devs made sure to retcon it's events, making the only thing about it that's "cannon" being the fact that Mario woke up.

Spin-offs can be canon too. And just because the events of SMB2 were a dream, doesn't mean that every element of the game isn't canon. I mean, Shyguys and Birdo originated in SMB2 and now they're established characters in the series. So clearly some elements of that game are canon. Why can't Kirby's dickish attitude in Kirby's Avalanche also be canon?

Kirby's Avalanche is both a spin-off and a reskinned port. To say it's canon to the Kirby Cannon is like saying Pokemon Puzzle League is canon to the Pokemon anime or that Tetris Attack and Yoshi's Cookie are canon to the Mario Cannon.

Yoshi's Cookie doesn't have a story, and you can't prove that Pokemon Puzzle League isn't canon. It's not like it and the anime contradict each other.

And Wispy never starts the fights? In every game Wispy is the instigator and Kirby defends himself. Remember the scene in Kirby Super Star where Kirby defeats Dyna Blade then helps her chicks hatch and teaches them how to fly? Hell, he doesn't even kill Dyna and she joins the crew soon after.

Oh, so Kirby beats the shit out of Dyna but it's all forgiven because he helps her chicks hatch? Clearly Dyna only befriended Kirby because if she didn't then she would get the crap kicked out of her again! Just look at what happens to Whispy Woods in every game!

[jkid101094]

Spin-offs can be canon too. And just because the events of SMB2 were a dream, doesn't mean that every element of the game isn't canon. I mean, Shyguys and Birdo originated in SMB2 and now they're established characters in the series. So clearly some elements of that game are canon. Why can't Kirby's dickish attitude in Kirby's Avalanche also be canon?

Because it's never established in another game. All of Kirby's actions in his games can be attributed to his age or heroic nature. Not to mention that the fact that Nightmare is still present at the Fountain of Dreams despite being defeated in Kirby's Adventure should automatically retcon the game.

Yoshi's Cookie doesn't have a story, and you can't prove that Pokemon Puzzle League isn't canon. It's not like it and the anime contradict each other.

Yes they do, actually. If Puzzle League is canon that would imply that Ash met (and beat) Mewtwo after the events of the first movie despite the island having been abandoned and Mewtwo disappearing until Mewtwo Returns. The fact that Tracey addresses Ash like an old friend despite the final Mewtwo fight causes a paradox that would place this game after Mewtwo Strikes Back during the fight with Tracey, but prior to it during the fight with Mewtwo (as it would make no sense as to why Ash's memory of Mewtwo Strikes Back would be erased had this game taken place after it).

Oh, so Kirby beats the shit out of Dyna but it's all forgiven because he helps her chicks hatch? Clearly Dyna only befriended Kirby because if she didn't then she would get the crap kicked out of her again! Just look at what happens to Whispy Woods in every game!

Kirby also defeats greedy ass Dedede and rains food down upon all the hungry residents of Dreamland. Besides, it's not like Dyna was 100% innocent:

[Elija2]

Because it's never established in another game. All of Kirby's actions in his games can be attributed to his age or heroic nature. Not to mention that the fact that Nightmare is still present at the Fountain of Dreams despite being defeated in Kirby's Adventure should automatically retcon the game.

Who cares if it's never brought back up in another game? It still happened! And Nightmare's appearance is just an innocent cameo, it's not supposed to mean anything. That's like saying that the pictures of Mario, Peach, and Bowser in Ocarina of Time mean that Mario and Zelda take place in the same universe.

Yes they do, actually. If Puzzle League is canon that would imply that Ash met (and beat) Mewtwo after the events of the first movie despite the island having been abandoned and Mewtwo disappearing until Mewtwo Returns. The fact that Tracey addresses Ash like an old friend despite the final Mewtwo fight causes a paradox that would place this game after Mewtwo Strikes Back during the fight with Tracey, but prior to it during the fight with Mewtwo (as it would make no sense as to why Ash's memory of Mewtwo Strikes Back would be erased had this game taken place after it).

Puzzle League ends with everything being a dream, just like SMB2. So no, it doesn't contradict anything.

Kirby also defeats greedy ass Dedede and rains food down upon all the hungry residents of Dreamland. Besides, it's not like Dyna was 100% innocent:

Dyna cuts down a tree (a faceless tree, not Whispy Woods) to feed her chicks and that makes her deserving of getting the snot kicked out of her?

[jkid101094]

Puzzle League ends with everything being a dream, just like SMB2. So no, it doesn't contradict anything.

"It wasn't a dream after all, Pikachu! We really did win!"

Do your research before you claim something.

Dyna cuts down a tree (a faceless tree, not Whispy Woods) to feed her chicks and that makes her deserving of getting the snot kicked out of her?

Yeah, disregard the two fucking mountains she brought down.

[Elija2]

jkid, you're the only person who I could have an argument with on the canonical merits of Kirby's Avalanche. Thank you.

[jkid101094]

I wish they were debates instead of arguments but nobody's perfect.

[Elija2]

What's the difference between a debate and an argument?

[jkid101094]

As far as I'm concerned a debate is friendly and the opinions of both parties are respected while an argument is balls to the walls, "fuck you and everything you stand for you goddamn plebeian".

[Elija2]

We didn't insult each other though so doesn't that make this a debate?

[Hakudamashi]

A debate is something to be won, an argument is not
And arguments are components of a debate.

[jkid101094]

A debate is something to be won, an argument is not
And arguments are components of a debate.

Think of it more like modern slang then. If you can find a better word to use then be my guest.

We didn't insult each other though so doesn't that make this a debate?

I would have sworn I called you a few things but eh.

[Hakudamashi]

Think of it more like modern slang then. If you can find a better word to use then be my guest.

How about, Civil Argument and Heated Argument?

[jkid101094]

How about, Civil Argument and Heated Argument?

Too long. Needs to roll off the tongue better.
Also "Heated" isn't the word I'd use to describe it.

[Elija2]

Do we really have to argue semantics here?

Wait, is this an argument about an argument?

[Hakudamashi]

Maybe

[Elija2]

Well, I'm just glad that we got to do something other than ask each other questions.

[Kirby]

Kirby Kirby Kirby

[Elija2]

I TOLD YOU IT'S CANON.

[Elija2]

THE PROOF JUST KEEPS ON MOUNTING

[Ioshyriku]

If his beard extends to where his legs are does it count as...you know?

[Hakudamashi]

Yes.

[jkid101094]

All hair that isn't on top of your head is pubic hair.

Also congrats Eli. You found advertisements proving what we already know; the fact that America wants to market Kirby to Americans.



Congratu-fucking-lations.

[Elija2]

Actually it was the North American marketing team that depicted Kirby's true nature all along. Thankfully Nintendo's Japanese branch have begun correcting themselves.

[detectiveflamey]

no