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Grell Desu
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« on: September 18, 2014, 07:04:10 PM »

There really isn't any point beating around the bush, here.

I've become a pretty mean person. Outright bitchy, really. I was a brat in the past and I've grown up into someone less than favorable. And it isn't like I've been on here very much for the past, what, year or two? So, this probably won't make much difference. I don't feel that Sonic Zone benefits from my presence, nor do I feel that I do, either. If people here actually wanted to keep in contact with me, they know my Skype. They know my FaceBook. Hell, a good number of people here know my cell number.

Each time I have been on here as of late, I have picked fights and treated people cruelly and enjoyed being a bitch to them. I'm not going to deny it. It all just boils down to being tired. I'm tired. I'm tired of me. I'm tired of you, whoever you are currently reading this. I'm tired of everything. And really, what's the point in continuing to pop in here the rare times I do when I bring nothing constructive to the table?


I'm currently considering going to the hospital because I fully intend on killing myself within the next few days if I don't get immediate psychiatric help. And that scares me. It scares me a lot. I'm stressed and tired, but at the same time, I don't give a rat's ass about anything or anyone. But I have spent a good chunk of my life on this website. I have made life long friends here. And I feel like I should let you guys know, for whoever is actually active here.

And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've turned into a horrible person. And I'm sorry that I don't even think I'm actually sorry right now. Once upon a time, I would end this in tears and saying how much I love all of you, etc. etc., but I really don't care anymore. I could probably laugh and tell each and every single one of you to your faces that I probably hate you. I care enough to let you guys know so you won't be super ultra offended if I never come back again. Not that my absence has ever been noted in the past, but I do have a huge ego and would like to think of myself as important at times.

So, sorry, also not sorry. I don't fucking know what I am anymore. I don't think it even matters. On the off chance I do head to the hospital or a mental health place to get help and I get better and come back, I'll probably be weepy and emotional and beg for forgiveness from all of you.
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jkid101094
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« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2014, 12:22:50 AM »

I still love you, lord lady. :c
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« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2014, 03:57:58 AM »

You're not a horrible person.

Seriously, maybe it's because you don't post here often but I can't recall a single mean post from you. And come on, I pick on people like jkid all the time. We're still friends, we don't hate each other (right, jkid?). If you really think that you've been mean to us, then at least you're aware of it. You can change if you really want to.

I don't know what kind of mental problems you're going through, but suicide isn't the answer here. I know you don't think it is either because you said so yourself that you're scared. Even if you don't get the help you need this time, don't ever give up. Your life isn't worth losing to a mental illness.
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« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2014, 05:18:31 AM »

Tobi, we all care greatly about you. You are genuinely going to be missed. Believe me, if you were here more often people would be very happy. Do whatever you need to do to get better, because I don't want to see you do anything crazy to yourself or anyone else. I think you are still a good person even if you put this front of being "a bitch". You're just going through tough times right now and it's understandable that you may not care about people or things. You have always been one of my favorite members of Sonic Zone, and I don't normally reply to these posts but I felt the need to here. Don't ever feel unwelcome here. Don't ever feel that we don't care. I think I can speak for everyone here when I say that we care greatly about you and your well-being. Take care, and you are always welcome to make a "comeback". Do whatever you can to get out of this mess because I don't want to see you make a horrible decision and hurt yourself. If you ever do want to talk, I am pretty much always available. If you truly do disappear from SZ for good, thank you for being here over the years. We've all made some good memories. Hope to talk to you again real soon! <3
« Last Edit: September 19, 2014, 05:24:21 AM by Jonathon » Logged
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« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2014, 06:02:10 AM »

Go get some help, Tobi. It may take a few years, but you'll find the better part of yourself eventually. I know what it's like to not be sure who you are or what you're supposed to be. I deal with that every day. But after some years of groping around in the dark, I don't feel so lost anymore.

Go get some help now, and try to be patient with yourself over the next years.
« Last Edit: September 19, 2014, 06:03:30 AM by DenimMage » Logged
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« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2014, 01:59:53 PM »

I wouldn't want to live with you if I thought you were a bitch. Do whatever you need to do to get better. We're all rooting for you.
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Grell Desu
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« Reply #6 on: September 24, 2014, 03:11:14 PM »

hi

update to this thing

 went to counseling yesterday morning after snapping out of a suicidal episode. was ready to start popping pills. but ye snapped out of that ran to counseling and was told i either go home with lots of emergency therapy and rest or i'd have to go to a mental place for like 10 or more days and i was just like nope no not gonna happen

so long story short im home now being watched like a hawk and also very stoned so im feeling very calm and pretty pleasant right now
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jkid101094
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« Reply #7 on: September 24, 2014, 03:20:16 PM »

I actually started to get a bit worried about you, hun, but I'm glad to hear you're OK~
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Quote from: Draco
Draco:  Saber was my bitch LONG before you heard about her.  I introduced you to FSN, loser.  D<
Oh, and still...
ILU JKIDDD

Says you. She likes me more. D<
And ILU2. o3o
IaFNSW.
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